The 5Ts of Christian Relationship (My Advice)

Recently someone who entered into a new relationship asked me what I would advise them to do. I love this topic as most of my friends know although I doubt if I am good at it. Anyways I have written what I advised those friends of mine believing it might help someone once again.

Falling in love and having someone by your side is something beautiful. I admire people who take risk to love others. As I stated in my recent article to love someone genuinely demands readiness for whatever comes. If things go well and God’s willing about it, you will be rewarded the desired relationship you committed for. The following advice is for people whom things go well and God helped them to start a new relationship.

Although falling in love sounds good, continuing in it in an organized and balanced manner is very difficult. “What are we going to do when we meet? Should we talk like a Christian talk all the time? Should we be serious about everything?” are some of the questions that some people ask me. For my Christians friends who are in a new relationship and have no idea how to proceed, I have summarized a brief advice for you. I call them the 5 Ts (“friend” below is a short for a boyfriend or a girlfriend)

1) Time

Maintaining a Christian relationship demands your time. Before we decide on the type of the talk you will have with your boy or girl friend, we need to agree on the basic rule that your friend demands and deserves your time. Make sure you are giving him the necessary amount of time.

You should, however, be cautious that you are not wasting unnecessary and unreasonable amount of time with your friend. Excessive time is not good at all. It will distract both of you and eventually you will get tired of each other. A good way to determine timing is to use the formula (2n - 2) * 75. Okay this is a joke. There is no formula for the timing.

You decide it together how much time per week to spend together. 

2) Talk

Now the second rule is talking. Here is a good cue about men. Most men love a talking girl. This sound silly but men are too little to be excited about a silent girl. Men love a girl who talks. Do not think that men like the silent 'formal' Christian girl these days. This doesn't work this time. They like to talk. They spend hours in social network only to talk. Don't judge them. This is how they are wired.

A good cue about women will be that they don’t like the fanatic guy who keeps talking all the time. Most Christian girls like a man well-disciplined person. The “funny” guy formula doesn’t work here. Christian girls adore the educated, silent and God-fearing guy. Men, you should talk but know what you are and how much you are talking.

The content of the speech matters in this case. In most cases one of the partners will be a very dedicated Christian and spends the whole time talking about Christian stuff. It may be good to build their relationship on the rock, Jesus Christ, but also after all you are not marrying Jesus. You are going to marry (someday) the person you are spending time with. He deserves to have so many good memorable moments of talk with you. Talk about many good things in life. Have some debates. Have some discussions on different issues. Get to know each other more.

Talk about the current atmosphere in the country. Talk about politics, culture, and theology. There should not be a topic you exempt as you converse with your partner. You should also try to understand them when they talk.

Of course you also need to talk the 'romantic' talk. You need to open the space for your friend to tell you how 'beautiful', handsome, amazing… you are. He/she has to say it. If you dominate the talk with formal Christian talks your friend won't get the courage to say it out. Help him/her utter good words about your relationship. After all, as Paul said what is difficult for men is to utter the word, “I love you” in honest manner. Either they will say it prematurely which will make them dishonest or they will take forever to say it since they are afraid to commit to relationship. Help your spouse-to-be to speak good romantic words.

3) Tie

This is the best and the critical part of your relationship. You need to tie up with your boy or girl friend for good if you are aiming for marriage. Two things are very much necessary here.

Pray

Prayer is necessary. You need to make sure always that you are up to the best decision. Ask God to confirm it to you. Usually don't trust prophets but Pastors are good. Let your pastor pray for you two over the relationship. You should also pray for yourself. Take time before God to honestly ask him about your relationship. Most Christian men and women these days finish everything over their phone. We have stopped kneeling before the throne. This has to stop. Take time to pray.

Spend Best Time Together

Tie up - have some long walk - together. Talk about your future family plan (optional and can be done in due time). You tie up with your boy or girl friend when you are becoming sure that he/she is the one. Perhaps at this stage he will propose to you or you may propose to her.   

4) Tell (Truth)

This is the difficult phase and rule. You need to be honest with your boy or girl friend about your past and current life.

You should discuss your mistakes, struggles and some secrets. You need to. If you have debts, this is the best time to discuss. This moment of truth usually either break or make your future life. Remember, both of you have to pass through this phase.

This phase has to come after you are already sure that he/she is the one so that his/her secrets and struggles should not hold you from taking him/her as your man/woman. That is why this phase/rule comes after the tie rule.

5) Terminate

Terminate means ending your relationship. You can end your relationship in two ways.1) You will marry the person 2) You will break up.

=   

1) You will marry the person

After passing through the four rules it is likely that you will marry the person as I have seen in the lives of many of my friends. My good wish for all of my friends is also to terminate their boyfriend-girlfriend time with marriage.

2)      You will break up

Break-up is the phrase I hate most. I wish it doesn’t exist in urban dictionary the truth being the other way round. You should well aware that break-up is a reality. You could break up with your partner. The good part is that Rom 8:28 comforts you at this moment “everything will eventually work out for our good”. Don’t lose hope. Don’t give up on love. Someone out there will be waiting for you!