Few Notes on my 26th Birthday

 

I just celebrated my 26th birthday, and I wanted to pen some lines about something as I usually do on my birthdays for the last many years. But I had nothing to write about this time. I remember writing a long letter to God on my 19th birthday. That letter was filled with hopes and prayer for the days and years to follow.

It took me a day and half to figure out my feelings and jot them down with few lines this time. The enthusiasm and curiosity I had at the age of 19 might not be there this time around. However, I still have few things to say about this life.

It has been a rough journey. If I narrate all the paths I have been through, you might even doubt my age. Trust me, I am 26.

True story, while I was a fulltime minister at church, some of my friends accused me of lying my age. The allegation came seriously. In fact one of my friends asked me to step down from my ministerial position because I have been lying about my age.

I was accepted as a fulltime minister in the church at the age of 20. On that specific day (August 28th 2015), one of the elders in our church texted me saying I have been accepted by the church. I was 20 years and I gave myself to the fulltime ministry in the church. Meanwhile, some of my friends couldn't accept my age. A year later, they accused me saying I have been lying about my age.

Even though they had hurt my feelings back then, I did not judge these friends of mine. I looked old. I talked like old. I lived like an old person. My hairs were running away from my head. What were my friends supposed to say then other than that I seemed to be lying about my age? I don't blame them.

Not just my church friends, even strangers think I'm older. Four years ago, guests came to buy our house and my mom asked them who they think older between me and Miju, the five years older brother of mine. They saw both of us and concluded that I was the older brother of Miju. This is crazy, right? Yeah. Now you get me why I always wanted to get married sooner.

But now I'm 26. I do not want to bother you narrating the ups and downs of my past. I have written few lines as follows, unstructured, to describe what I am feeling about life. I wrote it as an advice to myself. Hence, I will be talking in the third person to myself.

If  people ask you to say few things about this life, you should say being grateful about life is the honorable and the most overlooked virtue.

When your hair disappears leaving your head naked, remember that God remembers each and every fragment of hair that chose to depart from your head. Be grateful of being alive one more day.

When you outgrow your friends or depart from them because of job or other thing, know that this is the definition of life from the beginning to the end. It's about leaving something and becoming another one. You left your mom's warm womb to join this wrecked world. You kept on leaving every day to see another one. Be grateful.

When you feel like there are more things to regret about the past than to be hopeful about the future, remember that you might die tomorrow but not yesterday. You can't die in the past. The only good and feasible time to die is in the future. If you cannot hope good things in the past, but you can hope for a good death in the future. What is a good death? Take a time and figure it out.

When you feel like many people have broken your heart, remember that you have also broken many hearts. You asked. "How do you know if I broke anyone's heart?" My response to this is that even if I don't know you, I know that you have broken God's heart. He is the most vulnerable lover and risk taker of all the persons I know. We all have broken His heart so many times, didn't we? Yeah we did. It is also natural that we have broken each other's hearts. Be grateful and learn to move on from your brokenness.

When you give up, avoid friends who try to give you hope just like that. Cheap hope is what got you there in the first place. You have to fight for hope. You have to earn your hope. If you have to be broken, may you learn the ultimate brokenness which will leave you on the hands of the merciful God where you can hope beyond this dying world. The problem with humanity is not that we hope and expect too much, rather our problem is that we hope and expect too cheap. I do not cheer you to hope a very good day when you cannot hope for a good version of you. Be hopeful but do not buy the cheap agenda. Hope for the ultimate at your weakest point in life.

When your childhood dreams or your plans when you were 19 years old do not come true, do not feel so broken. Perhaps you did not fail. You just outsmarted your 19th years old self. You planned to become a minister but you ended up as a business man? You dreamed to be a politician but ended up as a theologian? You aspired to be a surgeon and became an architect? Be grateful. It's your 19th years old self who planned it shortsighted. You are doing fine. But the when you plan for your 30th birthday, you have to do it better than your 19th years old self. 

Finally, when you are bored and confused, meditate on the following words, phrases and lines:

Family matters.

Jesus is risen.

You will die someday.

Your wife is beautiful.

You are beautiful.

You are a good father.

Be a simple person.

If you are a complex person, the be also good.

Admire nature.

Admire your friends.

Accept criticism.

Don't redicule others' effort.

Love yourself.

Be a messenger of love.

Don't forget justice. 

You are not crazy.

You are just different.

- Naol B. Kebede, a polymath.